Christmas

We had a pretty good Christmas. Daddy had to work Christmas Eve and Christmas day, but on his days off, we headed to Gramma and Papa's house for another Christmas.

On Christmas Eve, Gramma, Papa, Unky Eck and Auntie Colie happened to be driving back from Portland so we went out to dinner. We had to make multiple attempts at restaurants because several were closed. We ended up at Outback and we thought for sure Adia was going to fall asleep in my lap, but she didn't. She was positively exhausted.








Adia couldn't wait to come home and open presents. We've always opened presents on Christmas Eve and then do stockings and Santa presents on Christmas morning. When we were coming inside, we saw a blinking red light in the sky. We told her it was Rudolph's nose, glowing in the thick fog. She was so excited. She flew through opening presents and couldn't wait to use her new digital camera.


I had a horrible time getting her to sleep that night, even though I kept telling her that Santa couldn't come if she was awake. I ended up driving Daddy to work, just so she'd fall asleep in the car. She did, just blocks from home, but I almost ran out of gas driving back! Thankfully the gas station nearby was still open.

Adia actually slept in Christmas morning, but I was up bright and early (say 4:30ish) with the twins. She came out into the living room, saw the new presents under the tree and said, "What?!" As soon as Daddy came home, she tore into them.






Adia was so happy because Santa brought her a race track. Daddy had to put it together though, which took forever since it was a million little pieces. It's a pretty cool Cars racetrack, but the extra Cars I bought to go with it are too fat. The twins also got to try out the new high chairs that my brother and sister-in-law sent them. They're perfect for our small kitchen.




I began cooking, Daddy passed out on the couch before going to bed and Adia loved playing with all her new toys. She especially loves the Magna-Tiles from her Aunt and Uncle.


The day after Christmas is DiDi's birthday. She requested "fried" chicken for dinner and that was followed by chocolate cupcakes. Adia helped her blow out the candles and then she made a total mess with the cupcake. I think she made more of a mess than she did on her 1st birthday.




On Monday and Tuesday, we were at Gramma and Papa's house. We opened more presents. Adia flew through them too and helped the twins open theirs. The twins loved some of their new toys.




We then headed to Shore Acres. Adia was excited about all the lights. We got lucky and for the first time in 3 years, it wasn't raining or super cold. Adia ran though it all, but she was having fun.








I changed Adia in the car before we drove back because I knew she'd be out cold in minutes. She hardly even moved when I put her on the bed back at Gramma and Papa's house. We didn't get so lucky with the twins. Leia went to bed after eating, but Mira was up until 12:30! She didn't sleep in either so she was a cranky baby.

Adia helped Papa make breakfast in the morning. She mixed the pancake batter, put the bacon on the griddle and washed the cutting boards with Papa. She loved it.


She never wanted to leave, but Papa and Gramma came up here to watch the girls so Daddy and I could take DiDi to see Avatar. When we got home from the movie, Adia was still awake because she wanted her mommy snuggle time. The last couple days, Adia's been asking to go back to Gramma and Papa's house.

The twins have been eating "solids" at least once a day for the last week. They hate rice cereal, but they're both fans of applesauce and sweet potatoes. Mira just wants to eat and eat and eat, but she's still got a bit of the tongue thrust going on so she ends up with the same mouthful more than once. Leia doesn't want to eat as much, but she keeps it all in. They both get mad if I'm not fast enough with the bites. Leia also rolled back to tummy and then tummy to back while we were at Gramma and Papa's house. She looked very surprised when she did it.




Potty training has been hugely successful too. Adia wears underwear all day long and she went almost a whole week without an accident. Then she two accidents, two days in a row. She then tried to convince me she needed pull ups again and didn't want underwear. Overall, she's doing great. We still have to race her to the bathroom to get her to go sometimes or, like today, I've had to put her on the potty to get her to pee. She seems to prefer pooping on the potty and will do that without asking. I still reward her with stickers, tootsie rolls and kisses. She's wearing nighttime pull ups at night, but she always wakes up dry. I think that's more of a security thing for her so it's going to be awhile before I get rid of those too.

8 eyes

headed to the coast, but wanted to share a picture:

New glasses

Adia had an eye doctor appointment on Tuesday. I mentioned that her right eye was turning out more often, not just when she's tired. When the doctor ran her tests, she noticed it too. It used to be very difficult to notice it. The doctor also said she has astigmatisms in both eyes and needs glasses. We picked out a frame and they measured her face. Surprisingly, they came in today. Adia was so excited, but when we got there, all she wanted to do was play with toys. She was a total pill & made it nearly impossible to do anything with her.


We've had a few fights about wearing them, but she's been pretty good. She says they hurt her ears too. I hope they're really helping her eyes.

Portland Zoo

Last Wednesday, we drove up to Portland to visit the zoo. It's been a few years since the last time we went and I knew Adia would love it. One problem, it was FREEZING, literally. We had a week of temps below freezing. I had to buy Adia a warmer coat and she actually wanted to wear it. She even had to wear it when we got our Christmas tree because it was bitterly cold.






When we got to the zoo, we bundled up the girls. The twins wore snowsuits. Leia wore the one that was Adia's and it was huge on her. Mira wore a hand me down from her cousins. They also had on hats and were wrapped in blankets. They ended up being the warmest of all of us. Papa pushed the stroller and Gramma, Daddy and I took turns chasing Adia.




Adia had tons of fun. She pet a cow and we played with the river otter. It would follow my hand around the glass and we actually got it on video. It was pretty cool. Adia was scared of the cow at first, even though I was petting it and it was licking my gloved hand. Eventually she touched its nose.


Adia walked a really long time. Actually, she ran most of the time. Most of the outdoor animals weren't out because of the cold, but we did see the chimps, orangutans and bats. Adia liked the heat sensor the best that demonstrated how a snake "sees." To give an idea on how cold it was, Adia's hands were dark blue on the screen. That was about the time when she got tired and wanted to be carried. Daddy wrapped his coat around her for awhile, but then she only wanted me.




I could only carry her so long before she just got too heavy. Then she got grumpy and pouty. So we took turns carrying her on our shoulders.








Before we left, Adia got to pick something in the gift shop. She picked a telescope, which must still be in the van because I haven't seen it since we got home. I got a glass elephant ornament. We then had hot chocolate, popcorn and dippin' dots. Adia was all about the mint chocolate dippin' dots. It's never too cold for ice cream, right?

We ate dinner on our way back. Adia didn't eat much. It was obvious she was super tired. She fell asleep in the car around 7:30. She sort of woke up when I tried to transfer her to bed, but she was out again. She slept until after 8 the next morning! She's actually been sleeping pretty well since she doesn't feel very good. We're all sick. I now have a cough that won't go away and the twins and Adia are horribly congested. Her nose is constantly running. They've all had fevers recently too. Leia's was up to 100.5.

Despite feeling icky, Adia and I made muffins today. She wanted to make pumpkin, but there were some overripe bananas on my counter. Adia helped dump ingredients in bowl, mash up the bananas and turn on the mixer. I've trained her well, she knows to start the mixer off slow so we don't shoot flour or eggs around the kitchen.


Her favorite part has to be tasting it though. She gets to be my bowl licker.






Adia has a eye doctor appointment tomorrow morning. Her last one was while I was on hospital bedrest. I can't believe it's already been 6 months!

Pretty in Pink for Cora

I don't know Kristine and only learned of her and her sweet Angel Cora through Twitter (@kristinebrite) yesterday. Cora was born November 29th and passed away of an undetected heart defect December 6th, nursing in her mother's arms. To read more of her story, go here.

No mother should ever have to lose her child, especially before their lives have barely begun. My heart breaks for Kristine and others out there who have lost their children, born and unborn (my own mother included). Kristine does not want Cora's death to be in vain and Cora will have taught us all something.

I can't tell you how often I get overwhelmed with having 3 children under 3, specifically the twins. I have 3 children that NEED their mother all the time. Who have to be fed and changed and loved. The twins are getting to the point where they only want Mommy at certain times and Adia's been there almost all her life. She is Mommy's girl to the core. I have days when I want to run and hide or sit in the corner, hands over my ears and pretend those 3 little lives didn't depend on me, but in truth, I'm insanely lucky.

Adia's pregnancy started out easy, but there were soon worries about her size, her level of fluid and eventually the preterm labor scare. I had 9 weeks of modified bed rest and medication to prevent labor. I had multiple ultrasounds and non-stress tests and an induction at 38 weeks. The doctors feared something was horribly wrong with her. She did have some problems breathing at birth, followed by severe jaundice and being readmitted to the hospital at 4 days old. I was a terrified first time mom, but Adia is now a healthy, happy, thriving 2 year old. All our fears were for naught.

And the twins. My fear started the moment that pregnancy didn't feel like Adia's. I wasn't sick and instead felt crampy all the time. I thought for sure I was miscarrying, but that early ultrasound showed 2 little sacs. It was too early for heartbeats, but the possibility of twins was staring me in the face and my pregnancy went from normal to high risk. Somehow, medically, the twin pregnancy was easier. It took a toll on my body, but both babies were perfect, growing faster than Adia had, producing more fluid, showing no signs of preterm labor. I feared the NICU. I feared an early birth. I feared sick little girls. I spent 2 weeks on hospital bed rest, another 2.5 at home before the twins were born at 36w5d, perfectly healthy. They had minor issues in the beginning, but not because of being early or small.

I haven't had to deal with sickness or birth defects or loss. Somehow I've even avoided miscarriage. I've had 2 pregnancies and 3 healthy children. And Cora has taught me to appreciate them more each day, to love them like any day could be our last and to be more patient with them. I will have good days and bad days, but what's important is we will have days, days together.

So today, the girls wore Pink for Cora.





And everyday, I will hug them more and kiss them more and make sure they always know I love them.

Dear Jaimie

Dear Jaimie,

It's been 19 years. 19. How could it have been that long since I last heard your voice, hugged you, smelled you? You've now been gone longer than you were alive.

I want to say I'm not angry or that I didn't cry today, but that would be a lie. I am angry. Angry that I'll never meet the kids you never got to have. Angry that you'll never meet your nieces. Adia would have adored you. I'm sure you would have been her favorite & you would already have her skateboarding like a pro. She's so much like you. So much life in someone so small. Fearless. Loving. Empathetic. My daredevil. And it scares me. I don't know how mom survived without you. The mere thought of losing Adia cripples me.

I was excited for Christmas this year. Something that hasn't happened in ages. I mean, I like Christmas, but I didn't have that joyful enthusiasm again until this year. Was it Adia? Maybe. She's been so excited about Santa and Christmas trees and snow. But Christmas reminds me of you too. You always loved Christmas. I still have the last Christmas gift you gave me. My Nintendo. It still works. I'll never forget you handing it to me, weeks before Christmas because you said you'd never see me open it otherwise. I didn't understand then, but now it freaks me out. How did you know?

Adia couldn't wait to decorate the tree and without really thinking about it, I put a green Christmas light at the top. Whenever Mom and I would decorate the tree, we'd put a green light at the top, just for you. It was our way of remembering you. Your childhood ornament with your name on it would go at the top too, near the light. I keep glancing at that light, whenever the tree is on, and with a 2 year old, that's all the time, and I think of you.

I bought a poinsettia this year. What's the big deal you ask. It's Christmas, why wouldn't you buy one? Well, after you died, people brought food & sent flowers. Since it was December, most of them were potted poinsettias. I'll never forget all the blood red poinsettias in front of the living room window. There were so many. They seemed like a constant reminder that something was off, that something was wrong. And then one day they were gone. I don't know what happened to them. If they died too, but one day they were gone. It's been 19 years since I let one in the house again. For some reason I had to buy one this year and I did. It's a small one. It's sitting on our kitchen table & it reminds me of you or really, the lack of you. Maybe it means part if me is healing.

I don't know if I'll ever be healed. How can I? No matter what, you'll still be gone. I'll still be that little girl with the crying parents & the hushed whispers. The one who people had to be "careful" around when talking about death, dying, car accidents. The little girl who cried because you'd never open your Christmas presents and fell asleep in our mom's lap at your memorial service. The little girl who wanted your bed in your room, who saw ghosts, had nightmares & couldn't sleep alone for years.

Someday I'll tell Adia & her sisters all about you. At least I'll try, but there's so much I don't know. I only had 6 short years with you. I do remember the skateboarding (I still have the one you made me), sunbathing, the tapioca pudding. The way you always said yumm while you ate & it made mom feel so good. (Adia does that too.) I'm sad and angry that I can't remember your voice or your laugh or the way your hugs felt. I do remember your smell, even though I haven't smelled it since. I know your favorite colors were neon green & hot pink. I can't forget that, along with the slime balls poster that I kept on my wall for years. I'm glad there's pictures I can show the girls. That when Adia asks, "Who's that?" I can tell her. I can show her.

So even though it's been 19 years & I'm older than you'll ever be, my heart still aches for you.

Love,
Silly Goose

July 8th

I still find this completely unnerving. It's not often when you know exactly where you were on a certain day, years ago, but I do.

On July 8, 2007, we were at the Portland Zoo. We had just gone to a friend's wedding the day before. We took pictures, I remember.


Then on July 8, 2008, we were at home. It was hot and Adia was playing soccer with Daddy.


And July 8, 2009. Well, not exactly a day I could ever forget. That's the twin's birthday.


I can't believe that 2 years previously, I was walking around the zoo, Adia strapped to my chest. I had no idea that 2 years later, I'd be holding my twin girls. And next year... the twin's first birthday, I wonder what that day will be like.

Its been awhile

The girls haven't been giving me much time to use the computer. Almost the only time I can get online is by using my iPod touch. It rocks, but there's no app for blogger so I can't write blogs with pictures on it.

Leia found her feet yesterday and Mira has gotten pretty good at rolling from tummy to back. They can both scoot around the floor on their backs and Leia likes to rotate around. If you leave her on the floor, she's never in the same place when you return. They're awake more and more during the day and love any attention Adia gives them. They both love the jumperoo too, especially when Adia comes over and plays with them. They have all eyes for her.






I finished all of our Christmas shopping already, but that also meant the girls spent quite a bit of time in the store. Mira rode in the cart for the first time. She can't sit unassisted, but she's pretty stable. Leia kept arching her back and trying to hit her head. Normally they both ride in the stroller, but Adia passed out in the car so she was in the stroller instead.


Daddy's been working tons of overtime lately, which leaves us all missing him and exhausted. We spent one night at DiDi's house last weekend, but the twins don't sleep well out of their usual environment. I think I was awake more than I slept so it was rough.


Adia has really made me excited for Christmas. I haven't felt this excited and happy for the Christmas season since I was a kid. We've had lights up for a couple weeks, but I can't wait to get our tree. We're doing that this weekend with Gramma and Papa. Weather reports have even said we might get snow! I can't wait to decorate the tree with Adia. My biggest frustration though is trying to find non glass ornaments. We have a few from the year Adia was born, but I can't find anymore. Adia and I have been doing some crafts though so those will work.


We've also been doing Christmas baking. She wanted to make "Christmas Stars" or sugar cookies. I wasn't aware that I had so many different Christmas themed cookie cutters. We had a ton to choose from. She wasn't so keen on cutting them out, but she loved frosting and eating them.






I don't have any pictures from Thanksgiving. I did the cooking so I didn't get a chance to take any.